I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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