You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
