Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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