Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pants are for mortals
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
