my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pop tarts are not kleenex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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