god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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