I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
