I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The best revenge is premature balding
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
