roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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