He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
