I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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