2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
