After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
