You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
