Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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