he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
