I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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