hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
