Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
