there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
