I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
