Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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