your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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