I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
