Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
