im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have tasted many bathrooms
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