YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
