So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
