my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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