textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
