Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
