i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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