I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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