I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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