chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
