If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
