So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
