you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
