Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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