my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
