How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
