Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
