do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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