God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
