Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
