Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
