it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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