i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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