Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
