dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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