where am i from again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
