Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
