Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
