why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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