he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
