If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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