so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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