I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
