I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
