we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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