First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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