I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
