Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
