i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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