Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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