but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
