Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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