Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
