i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
